Unlocking Opportunities: Eight Strategies for Relationship Building

"I’ve long believed that lifting up others and networking with generosity are superpowers hiding in plain sight." – Khe Hy

While some of my fellow entrepreneur friends may call me a great networker, I prefer to see myself as a 'relationship builder.' Relationship building emphasizes a more personal and long-term perspective, while networking is often centered around professional goals and aspirations.

Whenever I meet someone, I always play the long-term game. I want to get to know them, understanding that trust and meaningful connections take time to develop. Relationship building has never been about chasing quick sales for me, even when it felt like my company's success depended on it. Instead, I've focused on fostering genuine connections.

This approach has opened up numerous opportunities and added tremendous value to my life. From connecting with inspiring individuals, opening important doors for my startups, and building lifelong friendships, the power of building genuine relationships cannot be overstated. It's among the most important skills to master for any entrepreneur.

Living in Silicon Valley has taught me that relationship building is an art and one that requires continuous learning. As a Norwegian, it didn't come naturally at first. It took lots of awkward encounters, trial and error, and thinking, "Dang, did I just say that?" to witness improvement and feel like I was on the path to mastery.

Here are eight strategies that are working well for me¹:

#1 Smile

It sounds simple, yet it's often overlooked. 

A smile makes you more approachable. You rather want to engage in conversation with someone who looks open and positive than someone who seems closed off.

I haven't always been aware of the power of smiling. A realization came when I was 11, attending a CISV² camp in Brazil. I was struggling with my English and didn't speak much. While I would come across as social back home and easily made friends, during the camp, I was perceived as too serious and closed off. I found it hard to make friends. It was only when one of the junior counselors said: "You have a really nice smile. Maybe you could try smiling more?" that I was able to unlock why I felt that I was perceived so differently there compared to back home. I started smiling more, and it helped me break out of my shell and become more approachable.

#2 Be genuinely interested, try to help, and expect nothing in return

To build meaningful relationships, you must be sincerely interested in others. Ask open-ended questions, actively listen, and genuinely try to help. Here are a few go-to questions that work for me during networking events or calls:

Warm-up:

• What brought you here today?

• How do you know the organizers/heard about this event?

• How's your day going so far?

• What's your goal for today?

• What do you do for fun?

Getting real:

• What's keeping you up at night?

• What do you think about these days?

• How do you scale yourself?

• What are you working on right now that you're most excited about?

• Do you have any recommendations or advice for someone starting out in [their profession/industry]?

• Who do you think I should meet/speak with?

Establish true value:

• How can I help you?

• Who do you want to meet/connect with?

• What do you need/want right now?

• What would you do if you could do anything?

"All you're trying to do is have [an] authentic, genuine relationship with people and expecting nothing in return." Sriram Krishnan about the importance of networking on Lenny's Podcast.

#3 Be specific about what you are looking for

If you genuinely need something, don't hesitate to put it out there early on. Waiting for the other person to guess your needs isn’t helpful. Express your request within the first few interactions. Note that this doesn’t prevent you from being genuine and providing value.

I learned this lesson while working for my first startup. We were trying to sell our innovative indoor navigation systems (think google maps inside) to owners of large buildings. Attending networking events helped us meet the right people. During conversations, I would subtly ask, "Do you happen to know someone who owns large buildings?" This approach gave us introductions and access to pitch the owners of Logan Airport, a local hospital, a shopping center, and the city's main conference center.

From my experience, not being explicit leads to hearing about other companies doing something similar but doesn't move the needle toward potential customers.

#4 How to gracefully end a conversation

Ending a conversation is often a fear that holds people back. I've been there, hesitating to approach someone because I didn't know how to end the interaction or feeling stuck because I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. 

But let's consider this: when someone says, "I've got to go," and you don't take offense, why would the other party get upset if you are the one to end the conversation?

Here are a few phrases you can use to end a conversation gracefully:

• I really enjoyed our conversation. Would you mind exchanging contact information so we can stay connected?

• It was really great to learn about [topic]. I'll be in touch about [something else]. I hope to see you around.

• If you ever need any help with [specific area or task], please feel free to reach out. I'd be happy to help.

• It was great speaking with you. Let's grab coffee sometime next week to discuss [specific topic] further. I'll reach out to schedule.

• It was great to talk with you. I'll try to meet a few more people here tonight. I'll see you around.

#5 Turn it into a game

When my co-founder and I first moved to San Francisco, we fiercely tried to save money where we could. We rented a bedroom with only one bed. The one who got to know the most people on the flight “across the pond” won the bed. I lost and had to sleep on a mattress on the floor for the first few months. Fun fact: the mattress I used was formerly owned by the founder of The Silk Road, whose girlfriend once lived there—a testament to the quirks of Silicon Valley!

My co-founder and I would turn a lot of networking into games to help us break out of our comfort zone.

One of our favorite games was to get one point per person we talked to. But if we spoke to someone who unlocked potential for reaching a goal (e.g., connecting with a Venture Beat writer if we were looking for PR), we'd get 10. This game encouraged us to move around the room, practice opening and ending conversations, and have some fun. The loser would pick up the next dinner tab.

#6 Follow-up

After a conversation, take a moment to jot down high-level notes about the interaction. Note how you met, job status, family, interests, and any potential ways to provide value. Keep it simple, be genuinely curious, and avoid going overboard like a private investigator.

Connect on LinkedIn and ALWAYS include a note mentioning where you met. Refrain from assuming they remember your deep conversation about your shared love for romcoms starring Julia Roberts. Here's an example:

"Hi [Name], it was wonderful to meet you at [event]. I really enjoyed our conversation around [topic]. [Please let me know how to be helpful going forward/I will follow-up with X, Y, and Z as promised]. Cheers Aurora”

I have much more to say about Follow-ups. Check out my previous story on Follow-Up or Fade Away.

#7 Don't be afraid to make introductions, but always double opt-in

Warm intros from someone are the best way to expand on interactions from relationship building. 

One of the things I immediately noticed in the American networking culture was everyone's eagerness to help you out, including doing warm intros to their network. However, in Norway, there's a fear of putting one's reputation on the line. 

What if it’s not a match? 

Double opt-in means that you confirm with both parties that they're open to it before proceeding with the introduction. Never blindside someone with an intro where they feel pressured to take time if it's irrelevant or too busy.

If you're asking for an introduction, make it as easy as possible for the person helping you. Write a personalized email or blurb about yourself, highlighting metrics and information relevant to the recipient. Include your deck if relevant. This approach makes it easy for the person making the intro to forward the email and add their personal touch.

I get a lot of requests from founders looking to connect with investors. It is much easier for me to do them and faster if they follow the advice above. Joakim Achrén has a great post with strong examples for writing these email blurbs, especially if you want to raise funding.

#8 Have a system

Managing your network of connections is essential for maintaining strong and meaningful relationships over time. Whether you choose a digital contact management tool (Personal CRM, Human Relationship Management), or a simple spreadsheet, having a system in place allows you to track important details, set reminders for follow-ups, and schedule catch-up meetings. 

While building my network, I found no good solution for managing it end-to-end. So much so that my co-founder and I prototyped a solution for solving this problem when we started our company, Megacool. I'm still juggling between spreadsheets, Notion, Tana, and LinkedIn and relying heavily on my good ol' brain. Not very scalable or automatic, but I hope this is where AI tools will provide lots of value. What I’m trying to say is to have a system, as that’s better than none.

Other people smarter than me are using Notion and Coda for this. Check out Rad Read's Cringe Free Networking and Lane Shackleton's Twitter thread to learn more.

Do you have a system you recommend?

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Remember, these eight tips are meant to be helpful as you improve your relationship-building skills. Enjoy the journey, write down funny and awkward stories, and may your relationships flourish!

Did I miss any? Comment below so I can continue to improve 🙏

A huge thank you to

CansaFis Foote

and Josh Knox for reading drafts of this.

1. While the advice is geared towards in-person interactions, most can be adapted across email, social media, and Slack/Discord/Zoom.

2. Children's International Summer Villages: a one-month peace program for 11-year-old kids from 12 different nations, 4 kids from each country, to build friendships through play, and learning about other cultures, all before developing too much prejudice. The original premise was: how do we prevent the next world war?