My Values Journey: From Burnout to Breakthrough

After 15 attempts asking ChatPGT to spell out my values in full, I gave up 😅

"What value are you honoring now?" my coach probed, pushing me to reflect at every crossroad, every high, every low. But I couldn’t see through my fogged head. Instead, I danced around the question like it was a hot stove. I had a hunch, but there was always another value that seemed like a better fit.

“Just start somewhere,” I would tell people. The irony of giving advice I seldom followed gnawed at me. My quest wasn’t for lack of want but fear of imperfection—envisioning my values as permanent inscriptions, tattoos etched into the very fabric of my being, immutable and indelible.

A year ago, my sabbatical pulled my head out of the sand. Eventually, I took my own advice and created my first set of values.

Why

I had a very acute reason (and finally energy) for defining them: to spend my sabbatical year living my values and filter my next opportunity through their lens. I could check values fit with prospecting startups, and they could do the same with me. This approach was shaped by an important lesson from my previous role: mismatches in hires often stemmed from conflicting values. Once we got on the same page about our company values and tweaked our interviews to align, culture fit problems ceased.

To me, my values are best described as what I do/how I show up when no one's watching.

But my motivation goes beyond just defining and honoring my values. Contemplating, writing, and sharing them helps me manage stress and aids in my recovery from burnout.

“It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied. In the short term, writing about personal values makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong. It also makes them feel more loving, connected, and empathetic toward others. It increases pain tolerance, enhances self-control, and reduces unhelpful rumination after a stressful experience.”—Kelly McGonigal (The Upside of Stress)

How

Initially, I asked myself: “What truly matters to me?” Echoing the way I'd adjust after relationships—overcorrecting for past deficits. This introspection birthed my initial set of values:

Second, I turned to my digital vault—my 'Second Brain'—where I store all my notes, coaching wisdom, and everything I've consumed—things read, listened to, or watched. During my archaeological adventure, I dusted off my coach's neglected reflecting prompts:

• Peak Experiences. Spend some time remembering those moments in your life when you felt most fulfilled, most alive, most yourself. Once you identify those and reflect on what was important about them, often values will spontaneously emerge.

• Suppressed Values. Everyone has topics or situations that get us riled up much more than the average person. Typically, that means your values are being trampled! Finding negative examples like this is another powerful way to access your values.

• Admirable Qualities. Think about someone whom you deeply admire. What IS it about them? What do you admire in them because they're different from you? And what do you admire because it's something you share? Often those shared qualities signify values.

As my burnout dissipated, giving space to clear thinking, my peak experiences started to emerge. Eventually, I felt like I was piecing together the puzzle:

• Pay it forward

• Have integrity

• Bias for action

• Embracing creativity and curiosity

Third, I started checking in on myself weekly as part of my weekly review: what examples did I have from living my values?

It turns out that answering this weekly became too repetitive, preventing me from doing it at all. Instead, now I’m doing my top five moments monthly. 

Fourth, after reading a book by another former coach of mine, I’m ending each day asking myself:

• How did my values show up today?

• Did where I spent my energy match any of my key values?

My values

I began my sabbatical with four values and concluded with five, refined through introspection. Daily reflections, however, unveiled two critical areas I had overlooked: my health and the nurturing of relationships with family and friends.

Now, my current values are:

• Marathon Mindset — I’m in it for the long-game. I’m balancing today’s joy with tomorrow's vigor, ensuring every step is fueled by mindful self-care (sleep, exercise and diet), meaningful connections (family and friends), and the readiness to inevitably sprint when it’s called for.

• Curiosity is a relentless drive to explore, learn, question, and grow. “I don't know what I'm doing yet, but it's only a matter of time before I figure it out.”¹

• Integrity — I show up with kindness, candor, authenticity, and transparency and own my actions and commitments.

• Effective — I strive for results/outcomes over process/perfection and don't confuse perfection for progress.

• Playful — Everything is better with play, improvisation, and laughter! I don’t want to take myself too seriously.

My personal mission is to pay it forward.

"It’s easy to talk about valued behaviors; it’s harder to live them." On culture by Netflix

Adopting these values hasn't been without its challenges, especially as a people-pleaser who tends to prioritize others' needs above my own. My Marathon Mindset now helps me remember the importance of putting the mask on myself before helping others. I now protect time to ensure I'm making progress on the projects that truly matter to me before helping everyone else.

Similarly, I stopped burning the midnight oil on these self-imposed writing deadlines in favor of sleep, exercise, and spending time with family and friends. I had to ask myself: if I can’t keep up with my Marathon Mindset when I’m the boss of my own schedule, what will happen when I dive back into the startup roller coaster?

I redefined bias for action to effective to shift from being reactive—jumping at everything—to being proactive, ensuring my actions align with my long-term visions and goals. This way, I avoid mistaking mere busyness and perfectionism for meaningful progress, while still being able to change my priorities when urgency matters.

Upholding integrity has meant steering clear of negative discourse when someone is complaining about others, choosing instead to engage constructively, as advised by Reed Hastings regarding Netflix's culture: “What did that person say when you spoke to him/her about this directly?”

All in all, defining and living by my values has been immensely fulfilling. It empowers me to face each day with purpose, lead with unwavering integrity, and explore innovations with curiosity—all while not taking myself too seriously.

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose" — Dolly Parton

Drawing a line in the sand

Soon, returning to full-time work, my values will be put to the real test against the daily grind.

Writing this—right here, right now—I'm drawing a line in the sand and starting somewhere.

Because, in the end, it's not about crafting the perfect list of values. It's about how they guide me, challenge me, and reflect the essence of who I am. It's about making peace with the fact that life is a work in progress, and so am I.

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This is the first post where I share an important part of my sabbatical and how I’m thinking about what’s next. As I share this journey, I hope it inspires others to define and live by their values, creating a tech industry that thrives on what we build and the principles we uphold.

A special thanks to

Chris James

and

Miche Priest

for helping me refine this post!

1. Quote by Adam Grant on growth mindset.