How to continue an action packed life after kids
"Weee! Again, Agaiiiin!" My toddler daughter had been skeptical at first, but now my poor legs and the battery on my e-mountain bike would run out of energy way before she would. We did another small jump at the next bump. It was probably no more than 1cm off the ground. But airtime is airtime. My daughter continued to shriek with joy as we descended Mount Tam.
Becoming a parent is undoubtedly a life-changing experience. It's a time when many people feel like they have to give up their hobbies and interests because they don’t think their favorite activities are appropriate or fun for their children. Many of my fellow parent friends traded their late-night dinner parties or marathon aspirations with an "I wish I could join/do that, but I’ve kids now…" attitude after the cute creatures turned their world upside down. Instead of being out and about as before, they limit their weekend activities to the local playground, AppleBees, and the Discovery Museum, often helicoptering around their kids.
Kids become all-consuming, and it’s hard not to try to shield them from all the world's dangers. We can’t world-proof our children. Instead, we should approach it as exploring the world together. Instead of limiting ourselves to what seems most kid-appropriate, my family continues to catch waves, mountain biking, and attend dinners at friends’ houses, with our kids tagging along. We’ve had to acquire new gear (predominantly used) to adjust to them being part of the activities, but it’s so worth it. Our children get to experience the thrill of speed, exploration and have tons of fun. In general, we’ve tried to change as little as possible between the pre and afterlife with kids.
We see very few other parents with their kids out and about in nature. Friends have commented that they envy how we approach having fun together as a family: “I wish we would continue to go out surfing or biking after little Susy was born.” Or: “We’d love to come for dinner, but unless we’re back by 6 pm, we will have a disaster on our hands as it will mess up little Charlie’s sleep schedule”. We even have some friends without children who’s said: “Wow, I didn't think you could do that with kids. I'm suddenly a bit more positive about the thought of having one!"
The activity list below is for you who feel a slight itch after reading the above. To you whose aspiration is more hiking, attending your favorite band’s next (daytime) festival appearance, and late-night chatter with friends, all with your kids close at bay, this is for you who want to bridge the gap between your pre- and post-kids life.
Be aware, though: You might find that this kind of parenting is both addictive and fun, and question why you haven’t started sooner.
Surfing
Make surfing a beach day and take turns watching your kids while the other has fun in the waves. Are you alone with your kids as a mom? No problem! Find your local Surfing Mom's chapter and team up with other mothers who are also keen on surfing. You can take turns getting shredded to pieces by the waves while the kids play together, watched safely by other Surfing moms. Just remember to bring sunscreen so your kid(s) don’t look like a tomato afterward.
Cycling
When bringing your kids biking, the most essential part is that they have a proper helmet that fits their heads and will protect them if an accident happens.
We take family cycling trips both on- and off the road. We have an electric cargo bike for road biking with the kids. We’ve attached a car seat for the baby, and the toddler sits beside it.
When we go off-road, we ride electric mountain bikes and have them riding shotgun up top. The baby uses a Thule bike seat while the toddler is using a Mac Ride seat with handlebars from Kids Ride Shotgun. We're feeling really mobile with our bikes and not bound to use the car to get everywhere. Even the baby squeals excitedly when we’re out riding, air high-fiving people as we pass. We’re fortunate to have the Marin Headlands as our backyard, offering many trails for different levels so even a baby can ride safely.
Our toddler also started biking using a balance bike early on. It really builds her confidence. She started out with a very lightweight Cruzee and has now advanced to Kids Ride Shotgun Dirt Hero balance bike, which will teach her to use a brake. We may or may not have a future Roo on our hands. One day she will be the one dragging us along for rides.
Running
You can still train for your (half) marathon with kids. While I prefer to run solo, it is easy to bring a jogging stroller and a kid inside. A jogging stroller is more robust than other strollers, making it easy for hikes with wheelchair access. Think of the added weight as an increased training effect. As many kids will nap while in the stroller, make sure to bring sun/wind cover to smooth the experience for them. I use a jogging stroller by Thule. There’s most likely a used one waiting for you via your local Facebook Market Place.
Hiking
It’s easy to start with a baby carrier, but once your child gets bigger, they have the most fun up on our shoulders. It gives them a perfect view of what’s going on at a safe distance. Nice, in case we come across a bear while hiking in Yosemite.
We tried a few different variations but found that Our Expedition has the best back support for hikes of around two hours. For longer hikes, I recommend getting a proper child carrier. Your back can thank me later.
Climbing
Climbing is a fantastic activity for the whole family; my kids love it. Learning to climb early gives a feeling of accomplishment and essential motor skills. When they are super young, you can leave them in the stroller to watch you climb. Later they can crawl around as long as you can keep them at a safe distance from others actively climbing to avoid anyone falling on top of them. You can put them in their own harness to enjoy the fun as they age.
We do both indoor bouldering/climbing gyms as well as outdoor climbing. Note that some gyms require your child to be at least 4/5 years old before letting them climb. I recommend a full-body harness for kids. These are easy to rent at your local gym.
Dinners
We definitely prefer to host dinners at home as it's the easiest for the kids' sleep schedule, BUT we also do earlier dinners at restaurants or any time at friends’ houses. If we go to friends, we'd either push bedtime (not ideal, but possible), do an early dinner and get back by bedtime (desired, though rarely the case unless the other family also has kids), or bring travel cribs for them to fall asleep in until we're ready to head home.
Of course, kids sleep better without interruption, but doing this occasionally doesn't hurt in the long run. Instead, they get exposed to your friend’s mussels pasta or sizzling fajitas, learning that they actually like it, and have fun while at it (as long as there’s not only grown-up talk..)!
Travel
Traveling with kids can be gruesome, especially on red-eye flights. But most other passengers give you a hall pass because they know you suffer the most…
Once you’ve reached your destination, embrace the new culture. Try new food, experiences, etc. Bring your kids to the ruins and volcanoes, or try their famous cheese. Find the most popular local playground.
If there are things that you would prefer not to include kids on, ask your hotel for nanny recommendations. We attended a wedding on Italy’s Amalfi Coast when our youngest was only 2.5 months old. Despite his young age, we could attend the wedding and a boat trip while a trustful friend of the hotel receptionist watched our kids back in the hotel room. The hotel was close enough to run back to pump/feed a few times during the wedding.
And if you're struggling with managing kids around the airport, our knight in shiny armor is Our Expedition. The kids are up on our shoulders, and we have necessities in the accompanying backpack, and each two hands-free for carry-ons, etc.
Festivals
While we haven’t attended any festivals ourselves yet, we have plenty of friends who have. Their main advice is to bring ear protection to keep the music down for the little ones. You don't want their ears blown out until they can decide on their own later in life… Remember to keep them hydrated, well-fed, and away from drunk and puking adults!
Actually, we've been able to include our kids in all the activities we used to do before them entering our world, except playing golf out of safety concerns. Ironically as golf is probably the sport of the above you consider the least dangerous! If we want to attend a show, late restaurant dinner, concert, or similar, we use a nanny (or family if they live nearby).
I hope this inspires you not to view parenthood as a limitation but as an opportunity to keep exploring the world with your little one(s).
Don't stop living just because your family is multiplying. Embrace it as a new opportunity for family fun, and let me know if any of the activities opened new opportunities for you!
A huge thank you to
, , , , and for reading drafts of this and sharing your thoughtful feedback.
Great piece, Aurora! ‘Instead, we should approach it as exploring the world together.’ Exactly! It’s such an important lesson here, thanks for sharing your experiences! Can’t wait to read more from you!
I loved this reframe, Aurora! Great timing for me to read it too, as I'm navigating making a decision on having or not having kids. Thank you for sharing!